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unequivocally    
11:59pm 29/09/2012
 
mood: cheerful
Alas, the two year curse.... Failed. lol Jeff and I are very very happy.

Anyways, not much is new. I am nearing graduation again. Work is, well, work. Psy is in Kindergarten and swimming again and hasn't had a seizure for nearly 6 months!!! *high five*

I am blessed and happy and just ready for anything.
 
     Post
 
unabridged   
09:57am 20/10/2011
 
mood: hopeful
I think I've lost my creative edge. My recent essays have been less than acceptable for my standards. Whether they're passing or not I find them insufficient. I dont want sufficient, I want better. haha.

Registered for the next semester recently and WOW am I going to have a full plate. I'm not going to lie, I dont even know what business mathmatics is haha. I wonder how it deffers from my other algebra classes. I am told that business communications is a breeze and a lot of fun. SO I cant wait for that. I'm more of a history person myself so I am trying to find something to take in that department as an elective fore fun.

Its my 22 month anniversay today. My boyfriend is excited. I'm afraid with my background and our problems lately that I still suffer from the two-year curse. (not a real curse) I have a two year problem it seems. But we are definately in love, and definately happy with eachother. I think it will work out fine. He Loves me no matter what and Loves my son even more. and we both love him. He's a great guy.

Thats all thats going on with me.
 
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Yea...that's right!   
07:07pm 05/03/2011
  I am definately still here, and still alive.
Bet you weren't expecting that were you?

And Im leaving so ha.
 
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Wii~!   
08:34am 20/11/2006
 
mood: annoyed
I haven't posted here in ages. Mostly because everyone who ever read it, well doesnt or does but reads it in myspace. =\ Which for some reason keeps becoming fucking private. I swear to god everytime I tell someone to go and copy the link I posted on the front page! (baby pictures) They're like yer page is private stupid. So I dunno WTF. Here....(incase any of you are redirected by me again....

http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v439/vangogh1902/psyllis/

Just to get that out of the way.

In other news! I went to pick up my Wii and john says they were botched er some shit...SO alas! I had to wait to get it...And after driving to kmart (THE GUY IN FRONT OF US GOT THE LAST ONE), target (since its next to my house), circuit city (to laugh at some friends for camping) and sears! (who only got 2)....I decided why not see how bad that line actually IS at Toys R Us... So I get down there. And Im all....Hello, how many Wii's did you guys get in today? And she says....I have one left...Is there anyone in line down there in front of you? And Im like NOO!!!! THERE ISNT GIVE ME THE TICKET now! LOL So She does and I get in line and go on my merry way...lol It was sooo soooooo much heavier than I thought it'd be.
And ofcourse whilst we were in line we just had to buy this zelda face plate...Its kinda nifty...cos it comes with two zelda remote condom thingies...And stand, and 2 face plates and wrist wraps...and a cd case.....And an SD card for like $40.00 but if you buy the mario one that doesnt come with an sd card, its 39.99....and the little one at EB games..Comes with ONe condom thingy, a base, and a memory card, for $50...So I was happeh!

I was able to go out, drive around, get the Wii, pick up my twilight princess, eat Del Taco, and go home before psyllis was awake! It was cool. lol
Not that I dont enjoy his being aake to no end...I just thought it'd be better not to have to pull over to feed him. lol So I fed him in deltaco. (cheated)
And then picked up twilight and went home.

I think its fantastic. <3

Ugh, meds are breaking me down. Damn pregnancy induced sicknesses', Angered!
 
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11:04pm 03/07/2006
 
mood: listless
Hello ello.
I haven't updated this bitch in a long ass time eh? Well Here I am alive and well, whether you care or not. Well hell, if you didn't I imagine you wouldn't be here reading this now would you?

Anywho. Life has taken plenty of unexpected turns. I don't expect to write about it all at the moment considering, well like I said, "A LOT", of unexpected turns.
Um, I'm doing nothing. living I guess. I have been happy to see everyone soo much since I have yet again, returned from another state. I am happy to see that those of you who needed some changes in your life have gotten those and then some. And those of you who weren't doing so well are now doing so.
Hesperia is not my ideal environment. BUT!!!! You take what you can get right? I'm planning on possibly moving, soon well, hopefully real soon. lol.

Well I just wanted to drop by and say hello not that anyone reads this anymore, Since MYSPACE is oh so cool now, but yea. Lol.....Old habits eh?

I Love You!
</3 - bizzy z.
 
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I am back!!!   
05:43pm 30/12/2005
  I am new. I am determined. I am alone. And it feels great!  
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A restless longing for better circumstances   
03:47am 12/01/2005
 
mood: discontent
Wow. Only five days left huh? Already? Hmm. I just don't know what to say. For those of you who are upset with me, please don't be, I will see you again. And you are always in my thoughts. I'll call, write, and be online. So you see this is not yet goodbye, but only farewell, till we are met again. =)

I Love You!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Have to do this. I will do this. Noone will stand in my way. noone will tell me that this is not what I need. I am me, and only I know what I need.
 
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Allright now that I have half my sanity.....!   
12:30pm 09/01/2005
 
mood: anxious
Let the show begin. ATTENTION(atención) Just so you're forewarned! This is going to be one of those excessiveley loooong posts. That tell you about any and everything that has been going on with me. Ok! And with that said!!!!

The night was cold...The wind whispering softley across the grass....I mean....HI! Lol... OK! Um, as you know. I have been in and out of the hopsicle lately. Yep, yep, I know sucks ta be me, ha I deserve it, You hope I have cancer, etc etc.....etc. well I just might still, so keep yer head up, and yer hopes high! Cos' they still don't fucking know what it is. lol. So yay! you...I still might be dying. Lol. YEA RIGHT. No matter how much, WHO hates me, And/or WHY....I'll never die. Because I am set on this planet in this exact place, with this exact mindset, just to piss you off and I wouldn't die to miss a moment of it! Lol. But! I just might be terminally ill! So there's a plus sign for ya....Here.... +


I am going to be leaving to Arkansas, the 17th of January. No sooner. Maybe later. I put in ym two weeks on the 4th. I have been thinking about what needs to be packed and what needs to be thrown out. I have been trying as hard as I can to see every last one of you before I go. Pay back any money I owe, Bump off a couple people, try new foods, etc. Um, I'll miss about a fourth of the desert, two of the other fourths are peaceful, dontknowyou's, and that one fourth that's left, can live with the black plague! >=D I am going to miss my mummey(all I have to say, Is you're too good for him) lol, My sista!(that bitch is cool and she owns you), My brodood (dude, seriously, Yugioh is a drug, get help!), and all of my friends. I Love you guys, you've always been there, and you know I'll always be there for you. Even in my absence....I do have a local phone! Lol. AND NO!!! I do NOT know when I will be back, so don't ask me again! Lol. I'm sorreh but I don't. Probably never. Ok here we go... For everyone of you that ask me when I am coming back, I will stay two more weeks, than whenever I planned to leave.

and YES I am very, very, UTTERLY, serious.

I talked to my sister about the whole moving thing. (the one that i am moving in with, not away from) She tells me that she has gotten a new house, and it is three bedroom, and (probably further out into the sticks) bigger than the house she's in now, and I'll be sharing...(insert wrong beeping noise here) a room with one of her roomates. I can't believe she is going to stick me, in a room with some stranger chic, that i dont know, and well, it isnt just that, its just, I CANT SHARE A ROOM. Lol I have never been able to. The only reason I've put up with it so long, is because I've had too. When it is outside of your own house, you don't really get to complain much, if you catch my drift here. Hey maybe they'll have a garage. lol. Or maybe I can just live with it. Ive talked to them on the phone and stuff and they seem like nice people and all. It's just and inferiority complex with me.

I'm talking to her on the phone right now. She said I'll have to share a room at first, but it'll be ok. She said she'll declare me a half of the room. I told her I'll do the tape thing. Where you put a piece of tape down the middle of the room. Lol.

Ok since I'm leaving and you all need to know things. I am going to leave messages for a couple of people here. IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER BY THE WAY Just scroll and find ya name. If you arent on here, its cos i told you in person, or I've allready told you somehow. And you dont need to be. Lol

Robot You've been there for me a lot. And I am sorry everything is going so hard for you right now. I just hope you can find the heart to settle things with nada, because you guys have been through a lot, and been friends off and on too many times, to let this get you two down. *hugs* stay sweet hun and quit letting those girls get you down too! Call me, Ill have to fly out and mess some of em up.hehe. Hope everything works out for you. *hugs* Love you! Lol.

Rick Hudew! You've been one of my best friends for a long time. It's always been you, Ryan, And Jeremy. We've been through a lot, and well we've both been through a lot indivdually. You've helped me with a lot of junk. And I'm going to miss you a whole lot. I hope that the music works out for you. You are very good, very talented. And i am going to miss hearing you play. You're also a great singer, which I am also going to miss a lot. Stay up. Call me when you need me> And keep your phone charged! Cos Ill be calling a lot. Ever since high school man a lot has happened. We both had our drug problem, we both have had our relationship depths. And well, we both hit rock bottom about the same time. But you were always there for me to get me back up again, as I was, and always will be for you. I cant believe Ive missed, and been upset about ryan J and jerm leaving to another state, and now I am leaving you. I'll see you first off when i get back Man. I promnise. And like I said, keep your phone charged up the ass.=D Lol. I Love You. <3 - bizzy

HOMO! Hey you! How goes it?! Um. I know we havent had a chance to sit and talk much, but the couple of times when we do, we cover a whole lot. you know, the nights we spend in your room, not being able to sleeo, because we're both sitting up, and talking about our relationships. Lol We always start crying, for some reason or another. Lol. I've never had many girl friends. But you are pretty much the one and only one I have, cept for like, 3 or 4 more. Lol You're the only one I've really been able to confide in, when you were this straight A student-animal rights-people rights-vegetarian-macguyver girl dating my bestfriend, when you moved to SB and were going to college, When you went through your drug binge, and now through all the travesties of your life, and Bo. I hope that you and him work out. I really do. I know I know I can joke about him sometimes, but he makes you happy. And i am glad. He seems really sweet. As long as he can clean himself up, keep himself out of jail, then he's alright by me. Stay up sweety, don't let noone get ya down. *hug* btylkbtmn!

Those Who reside in the home of CT WALLACE Hi guys! Ones who live there (rentfully), D&D settlers, Ones who might as well live there for their sleeping there every night is totally not out of the ordinary anymore, and the ones who just stop by to say hullo, and never leave! I LOOOOVE You guys. All of you. Ct, Papa, Mama, Jeff, Drewcifer, Andie, Jessie, Tyler!(tydie,tylerbear,panda,etc...), Dani(D,cat), MOFF!man, Little dick, Brenda, Ariel, cats #1-15!(lol), and ofcourse!!!! Bruiser. OH and lucky too. Lol. OH WAIT! I can't forget the twins. You guys, are like One big family, to me. We all have our moments, where theres drama between two or three of us, but then we get over it, and we're like hey man! Come talk to me. Lol. I dunno if it's because we're all really good friends, or because Ct is so damned intimidating that we'll get along in front of him save us getting thrown out a window. *giggle* Yea, yea, we all know he's a softy on the inside. (steals line from someone) CTS LIKE A BIG PINEAPPLE! lol. All hard, and rough on the outside, but soft, and sweet on the inside. lol (sorry for the stolen line, but no rights, so cant sue me!) theres too many of you to go through one by one, but I love you guys, I've had my individual moments with all of you, give or take a few cats, and I'd go through hell and back with you anytime! You're all great, don't let anyone tell you different, and just know that bizzy's always going to be here for you. (bizzy, B, Loudmouth, whatever you will) LOL. I'll miss the gaming, d&d nights, birthday cake making (sorry ty), lol cleaning, making messes, sleeping on that hard floor, stealing everyones beds, the mud, the stupidity, and the laughs. But NEVER the drama that we seemed to so frequently conjure. Even if it did get us through a lot of bullshit, and let us know a little more about why we like eachother. lol. WOW this is getting to be longer than my post, there just so many of you bastards...lol I'll end it here. I Love you guys, Ill miss you, and Ill talk to you as much as I can. (what a bill, oi.) MWA! <3 - bizzy

STEPHANIE & JAMES You guys get rights over anyone. Lol. No matter how many friends I have, nor how many people swear they'll always be there. You guys will actually be. I mean given the fact that we're blood, you kind of can't get rid of me. You saw how well that actually worked out for uncle johnny! lol. He disappeared, and well, we accidentally found him. I Love You guys, more than anything, you know that. I'll always be there for you. I just wont be here. I swear that if you needed me I'd walk a million miles just to help you out. You know it. I know you're kind of upset with me, for leaving you to cope with your growing teenage difficulties, and parentaly issues alone. But You know....I had to go through it too. lol Me and heather weren't really there for eachother back then, I havent talked to dad in soo many years, and me and mom, well we've had our issues, but there was always some connection. So...I'll always be there to talk to you about everything you want to talk about, and o listen to everything that is going on with you...just like now. So don't hate me too much K? lol You'll both go through a lot through life, and well, I'll always be there if, and when you need me. I just hope you realize that somethings are better left done alone, Or figured out on your own, if you will. Stay cool! Stay the silly little people I know you can be. Keep your heads up, and be happy. I'll miss you a lot. James, watch out for those little girls, they aren't anything but trouble, so choose lightly.LOL. And Stephanie! You STILL aren't allowed to date till you're 25. Lol (maybe 21, but we'll see) And edgar if you read this....Back off my sister. Too young, and you value your life. I Love You guys. See you when I get back! *hugs* OH! and watch out for your mom. She does have a nact for getting herself into dilemas...hehe. But just be patient with her. No more yelling, no more fighting, you're all going to have to learn to deal with it sooner or later. You two are young, you'll be there for a little while now...=D

Undefined friends (only meaning, that you are friends, just not best friends, and I cant think of much to say to you individually.) This includes, Brittany(You are so cool, you dont even know), AJ(my night stalker thanks for being the only one up past 1am.), AMANDA (stay up chic. Yer hotness! And brit matches!*hug*), Anthony*you are a great guitarist. I hope to see you succeed in anything you dream to do), Vanessa (WHEN the solo works out, call me up to the front row! I'll be there for you), Daniel(You are such a cutie like a tiny anthony. lol keep playing Stay great!), Nada(I'm sorry for everything that has been going on lately, I hope everything gets better for you, You've been there for me. Thanks), Shawn (GET OFF THE GRASS MAN!get a job! lol ), Josh (GET ON THE GRASS! as long as you're off the snow! and get a job with shawn), Karebear( Im diggin the makeup. Teach me the eye thing sometime when I get back eh? and keep that cutie of yours hes a good one!), Anthony_2( BE NICE TO MY KAREBEAR or ill kill you dead. Keep it up as the best drummer in the world.), Brandon (I WILL FINISH YOUR TATTOO BEFORE I GO thanks for giving me the opportunity by the way), NAte(hope your wrist gets better, keep playing, and dont forget our agreement about the cardboard box!), James (I hope that in my leave I will keep up with your poetry. I love it. And I'd love to keep reading more of it), Jason(keep up the profiles you write and you'll have a book soon!), Raven(I say go for it man, if it makes you happy...PS JACK OWNS ALL!), Rebel(just, NO man, just NO), Richard(You are so cute! Lol.Lovin the hair, metallica owns), Matt K(bonedaddy! Just wait till you see the tats man! Digginit Keep it up man, way up.), Matt C(You...are just odd. Very, very odd.), Rose(now whom will I dance with? without my flower? Ah well, see ya when I do), Melissa (I LOVE YOU! lol keep makin the eggs, and ill live forever!), Joey(your car sucks now, Im sorry i broke your tint, and I cant believe you moved away!), kara(your brother sucks, I miss you, your babys hot!), Sean (I cant believe you moved joey away from me! And you too! You two should be ashammed! lol), Sean J(Hope the wedding works out great! And the baby, is beautiful), Erika(You are just too silly for words), Chris(sing me a song! Lol Send me the new demo yea?), nik(I still want a Bleedinghearts t-shirt!! bastard), Theresa( I dunno what ta say pineappleshake!), Shane(i cant believe you made me dance in front of all those people at winter formal!), Oger(Ugh), Jordy(hope everything goes well for you in your endeavors. We'll all miss you man. Stop falling asleep at the wheel!), Glyn(I am going to miss you man. Ill see you when I get back. We had some good times straight from back in high school. We'll go to another show when I get back!), Chance(pizza pizza boy! You're funny and i love you! Lol take care of my angel), Drew(get off the hustler man its like a drug addiction geeeez!), Suthiroth (thanks for the numerous rides home from work, and the not hating me for kissing your girlfriend. Lol Your the hottness man you know it! stay cool), Ginapants( I loooove you sexy! Lol. Take care of my dear suthiroth. Miss you lots! bizzy in yer pants!), Jimmy ( Well have to hang before i go. It was nice being able to finally see you. Stay cool man hope everything goes your way), That one guy/regular customer who looks like william schatner from panda ( You rock so hard core I cant even begin to explain it!), lol...And all who I have not listed. I Love You, Ill miss you, and we had some great times. Lets see...

I can't believe I am writting this like I'm not coming back. I dont know when I am, and hey maybe I wont for a long long time. But I will be. I Love you guys! I must end this now. Its getting to be long.

Lol Updates on for tomorrow. *hugs*

Night.
<3 - Brande R. McDaniel
<3 - bizzy
 
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07:54pm 06/01/2005
  I am a phone numbers
*giggle*
 
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Save me....   
01:40pm 30/11/2004
 
mood: confused
Torn again.
I am sorry I decided to ruin these lives.
I wish i could take it all back.
I wish I could make it better again.
I wish I never would have ruined i all in th first place.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know whete to turn.
I'm trying to run, from all this.
From all my problems.
And It's only going to get worse.
I have ruined so many lives....
And now mine, is coming to an end....
 
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I don't want to....But I feel broken.   
08:47am 04/11/2004
 
mood: confused
Can you hear my pain

Somebody give me some light
Not pointed into the dark
Somebody show me the end
Not trying to push a start
Not trying to figure out
A better way, a better answer
But I keep finding all the problems
I've been looking after


I Don't know what to do...

Don't get wound up in the world
With nothing but a smile
I'll take a ton of words
And use them to instill denile
Don't get close
You don't know me
And you'll never know
Shivelry, will get you somewhere
Rivalry, will take you there


To make it all up to you...

Don't get close
You don't know me
And you'll never know
Shivelry, will get you somewhere
Rivalry, will take you there
Maybe I should look away
Before I really miss
Maybe I should pick the time
Before I pick the place
I bet you all the things
That you emulate, you penalize
But I don't wanna go
Before you learn to finalize


To make you feel your life again...

Don't get close
You don't know me
And you'll never know
Shivelry, will get you somewhere
Rivalry, will take you there
Don't get close
You don't know me
And you'll never know
Shivelry, will get you somewhere
Rivalry


To help you not to hurt again...

You assitane the plot
My vision's overshot
I have the best confection
I was gone for all the lessons
Who coined these words I use
Stay out and be abused
I didn't want to be
The undeniable source of everything


I don't know what to do.

Need change, watching all the conflicts
Constrict, push the fist in, squeeze it
I can not resist, claws and fist
Remember, remember
You take the rivalries
And never make much sense
I have the worst possession
What I want is so insensitive
Stay out and be abused
Cause this is so confused
I only want to be
Left over, now run away


To make all of this up to you...



(Don't go) I never wanted any body more then I wanted you
(I know) the only thing I ever really loved, was hate.
(but then) If I ever had a change of heart again
(i know) that everything is gone for good now...no..no.
 
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09:31am 26/10/2004
 
mood: angry
I can't believe I don't know what to do.


They always say, you're so smart Brande, You're so grown up....

But I can't even solve my own problems....Life is overrated anyways. You can't be in Love without being in Pain.
But you can't release that pain, without causing more.
 
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*_-Will I ever find the tape to bind this broken fate-_*   
11:57pm 24/07/2004
 
mood: restless
Lately I've noticed
How much you've changed
Even though you swear
You're the same
So why do I feel
A million miles away?
Why do I feel
Like we're broken?
Why can't it be
Perfect like it used to be?
Why can't we be
Perfect?
Perfect is how I
Once described our love
But that was before
We fell apart
So why do I feel
A million miles away?
Why do I feel
Like we're broken?
It used to be perfect
Lately I've noticed
How much you've changed
Even though you swear
You're the same
It used to be perfect
 
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A real life fantasy...... 10 and 21:63   
02:36pm 18/08/2003
 
mood: thankful
My Life…
A vast, disgraceful emptiness of solitude and sorrow.
Endlessly being mocked by the powerful and popular.
A swift movement.
You appeared to my sight, My life.
Glowing and burning…A flame to my heart.
Like being filled with the knowledge of a sage of years.
You taught me to withdraw my tears, hold back my pain…
And open my heart.
To the world.
You gave me life. Only existent in you.
In return. A gift.
My heart. Exchanged for yours.
I feel that I can’t give enough for what you’ve given me….
What you’ve shown me.
You’re knowledge…Strength…..And love.
Opening my eyes to your world….
You’re heart.
With all my life….I repay you.
Being eternally yours…….
 
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She falls upon thy sword.....   
09:35am 11/04/2003
 
mood: pissed off
Bring the violence
It's significant
To the life
If you've ever known anyone
Bring the violence
It's significant
To the life
Can you feel it?

How do you sleep
When you live with your lies
Out of your mouth
Up from your mind
That kind of thinking
Starts a chain reaction
You are a timebomb ticking away
You need to release
What you're feeling inside
Let out the beast
That you're trying to hide
Step right up and be a part of the action
Get your game face on
Because it's time to play
You're pushing and fighting your way
You're ripping it up

How do you live without playing the game
Sit on the side and expect to keep sane
Step right up and be a part of the action
Come get a piece of it before it's too late
Take a look around
You can't deny what you see
Were living in a violent society
Well my brother let me show you a better way
So get your game face on because it's time to play
You're pushing and fighting your way you're ripping it up

So tell me what am I supposed to be
Another goddamn drone
Tell me what am I supposed to be
Should I leave it on the inside
Should I get ready to play


Another dream that will never come true
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray

Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away

Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way i pray

Return to me
Leave me no one
Turn to me
Return to me
Cast aside

You've made me turn away
 
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Thank You for opening my eyes....   
09:26am 11/04/2003
 
mood: confused
People get dumb, but you have to put up with it...
Places get dumb, But you still like to go there...
Things get dumb, But you still like to use them...
Ideas get dumb, But you still want an experience...
Experiences get dumb, but you still wanna try them...
Sometime's everything is dumb, but you still hang around...
The world gets dumb, But you still live in it...

Does that make you dumb too?.....

I've had a recent revelation...
 
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Are You reliably religious...   
07:09am 29/01/2003
 
mood: exanimate
"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God
(or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."
 
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